As i am typing this sudden urge of entry,tears are streaming dwn my cheeks....it has been eons since i cried......i know i may be a guy and guys shld not tear so easily but i am those emotional guys bahz....called me a sissy or a pussy for all u want but i realli dun care.......so wad if i cried......

I was reading my dear blog......i realised i realli failed myself as a boyfriend.So what if i am the guard comm.,it realli hurtx for me to read the emotional struggle my dear is suffering......sometimes i wonder is it a right choice to be a guard comm. whom everyone relies on.........

I was never there for her..........i was never there lending her the shoulder when she cries,never patiently listen to her sorrows........

Sometimes i juz hate myself for who i am.............

wad makes it worse is that my unit is tightening all d privileges....those politics behind....haiz/............i realli can't take it..........we hardly have one complete wkend to ourselves in one mth and there they all,happily taking all d welfare and privileges we once have............

But what realli makes me tear is how disappointing i am to my gf..........haiz.......

She bore dwn with so much problems and e least i could do is to lend her my listening ear,i told her she can call me anytime to pour me the sorrows and i muz be d first to know.....she done that but have i done d same as to provide her with a listening ear?No.....i hardly talk to her for 2 min. and my comm. set starts to bark and i have to attend to d matter in d base.....never once have i realised how anxious she is wanting to tell me all d probs........

Maybe my expectations of myself as a boyfriend is high *shrugs*
i am totally disappointed in myself. full stop.